Wobble

Written for https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/author/cyranny/ and her prompt word wobble.

‘You’re allowed a wobble every now and then,’ he therapist said.

‘It’s just, lately, there have been too many wobbles. I can’t see to get myself out of this horrible mood. I am trying to get things straight, but every time I do, I just seem to end up failing some more.’

It was easier to talk to her therapist.

‘When is the last time you did something for yourself? I get you need to be there for family, friends, children. But responsibility doesn’t just go on your shoulders alone. Sometimes you need to let go, let someone else take charge.’

‘I wish I could, but they struggle too. My husband, he isn’t very good on the phone, or talking to people for that matter. I don’t mind, it’s just, I wish other people would make the decisions. I can’t have a wobble, because there isn’t anyone else to deal with all this.’

‘Perhaps, telling them you are struggling. Yes, it is clear you are all going through something horrible, but don’t do this all on your own. If it were your children, husband, what would you advise them to do?’

‘Talk to someone, tell them it is okay not to cry.’

Dry eyes, suddenly she couldn’t stop crying. It was like everything in the last two years stopped. She was scared, of stopping. She didn’t want to be wobbling, but that’s how it felt like. She was walking on a tightrope, and most of the time she could keep straight.

That was, until the wind knocked her sideways.

‘Everything I enjoyed doing, to relax, doesn’t help any more. It feels like more responsibility. If the colour isn’t quite right, or there is a stroke which shouldn’t be there. I hate being like this. I want to make things better, not worse.’

‘What does help?’

‘Getting out, doing stuff outside. The trouble is, I’m not as young as I was. I would love to take a college course, or dancing lessons. I used to love dancing as a child.’

‘Then do that. Go book a dancing course, get out of the house. Away from your mobile and computer. Give yourself a chance. What sort of dancing would you like to do?’

‘Any sort, I know getting out of the house helps. There is a ballroom dancing class, I saw it in the newspaper.’

‘Then go for it, I get you want to make it better for everyone, but then, if you don’t help yourself, how can you help others?’

Her therapist was right, things couldn’t go on like they were.