Cluster

Written for https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/tag/word-of-the-day/

A cluster of thoughts mixed in with the positive, and it was difficult to see through the fog. Sarah opened her eyes, understanding her vision would always remain different. A hazy picture, but not even a portion of living. Her hero held her hand, as he did when she was a teenager.

‘Dad …’

‘Half Pint.’

‘I’m sorry for lying to you, and not being honest.’ She leant against the plump pillow.

He rearranged the roses in the vase, each red petal soft between his fingertips. He settled on the synthetic covers. ‘We’re all guilty of that, but talking is the best way to deal with pain. When my son died, I pushed myself into helping others. I saw things in the homeless shelter, people so lost. I thought if I helped them, I would be there for myself.’

It seemed inconceivable that her strong, brave, beautiful dad could feel the same level of doubt as she did. ‘You did nothing. Those connected to his overdose …’ She could never swear around him. ‘They tempted him with a free meal, convincing him that cocaine provided the only solution. I had the chance to make it better, but kept secrets instead.’

His tears streaked over his cheeks, but that didn’t stop him from revealing his colourless emotions. ‘My darling girl, you are not to blame, and neither was Joe. If I had seen it sooner, or if my son had been able to confide in me.’

‘Despite how crazy it may sound, he remained with me throughout all of this. My nervous breakdown must be linked to it, and I understand my mind played tricks, but the one certainty is he wouldn’t hold you responsible.’

You sit at the end of the bed, your headphones gone, and a smile to match.

‘He would want us to move on and honour his memory.’

‘Wise words, I love you, sweetheart.’