‘Why do you continue to thwart yourself?’ My friend asked, handing me my tenth cup of tea.
I wasn’t sure how tea would help, but it was meant to be good for shock. I think it is more that there were several sugars heaped into this steaming liquid. I took it all the same. She was right. Since the first day I married Thomas, I took the blame for his actions.
I don’t take the blame now, but since my last heart attack, I’ve had to slow down. It is in the quiet places, my depression rears through like an angry bull. The only person I can show this to is my best friend.
It has been ten years since Thomas died. Laura never speaks of him, but Tabitha is curious. I tell her because I don’t want her to make the same mistakes. She is going to university. Her aim is to train as a surgeon one day.
‘It’s just that I have time on my hands, and not even my painting helps.’
‘Then let’s go travelling. I would love just to pack my bags. Where would you like to go?’ Theresa said.
I still hadn’t been to Italy – I had been everywhere else. I wanted to stand where my father stood. Where there once there was a little church on a hill. It was a place of hope, and somewhere new to explore. I had to take it easy – my doctor told me that – but my best friend was right – just lately I had thwarted myself back to the past.