Fragile Smile

Written for https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/category/what-do-you-see/

I wrote this story because I wanted to highlight that girls can have autism too. Many have been misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety. They are more social and will try to fit in, where boys can be more distant. It is exhausting to mask (act like others do). Constantly having a commentary on how they should react in a social group. Through my training (at school) I have realised many adults, including myself, could be supported more when they were young.

Please, if you are in a situation, where the child, or adult, cannot maintain eye contact, go quiet, talk too much, seem to be in their own world, please understand they are finding it difficult and allow them the space to be them.

Betty wore her mask like a protective layer against her fragile skin. It gave her the faith to start a new day with a confident smile. She rarely let colleagues into her private world because she was frightened of their reaction.

People watching, gave her clues about how to act in an appropriate manner. How much eye contact was acceptable? She was never sure. When she spent too much time looking at a colleague, an awkward stretch ended with her stomach in more knots than she could count.

Strangely, the bigger the crowd, the better she felt. When she wanted to stop speaking, someone else could take the stage. A nod, or a shake of the head; all she had to focus on. Although it was easy to zone out or, worse, interrupt the speaker. If a thought popped into her mind, she had to show that she empathised with their problem.

She knew it wasn’t all about her.

Going silent or chatting without pausing, there was no middle ground to her confusion. Strangely, when she received her diagnosis of autism, it helped.

There was a reason behind her insecurities. She wrapped her hands around her warm mug, and the silence shared a moment of peace before she called her best friend.