Darlene

I would have happily married Darlene if it weren’t for her annoying habit of telling me what to do. If I want to sit in front of the television, binge watching Greys Anatomy, then that was my privilege.

When she was cleaning the house from top to bottom, waking me up at six in the morning with her incessant singing, I didn’t complain. Well, not much anyway. I mean, there are only so many times you can hear ”I am what I am” without shouting, ‘yes I am, but now I am trying to sleep.’

I mean, I love her and all – we are all different, and when we first got together I found her antics sweet. But there is only so many times you can do a sort out. It has taken me years to make a collection of comics and she threw them away because they were taking up space.

Where is Darlene now? She got married a few months ago to a charming woman called Stephanie. Truly her soulmate, she has found someone with her eclectic ways. Their wedding, on a hot air balloon, while dressed in their favourite cosplay was brilliant to watch.

Now, I don’t have to worry about popcorn all over the floor, or an untidy kitchen – I like it that way. When I think I need to tidy up, I will, but not every day, and only when I want to.