Goodbye

Written in response to https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/author/sadje19/

Our journey, through choppy seas, and the boat bobbed along the water, with salty air travelling into my lungs. My first trip abroad without him. We had been here, on our honeymoon.

I remember pointing to the bridge, in all its glory, now it was only from memory I could see it. I leant on the side of the boat, with my arms on the metal railings. Warm to the touch, I let the sway of the tide guide me back.

Wishing he were here, with me, to hold my hand, or gently kiss me. My heart breaks again, but there is peace too. He would have wanted me to be happy. I want me to be happy, not just because I need to.

‘Here on holiday,’ a lady’s voice says. ‘What a beautiful dog, is it okay if I stroke him?’

I’m about to say, he’s a working dog, but Merlin loves to be petted. He never shied away from any human, unless they are trying to hurt me. It is almost like I have Graham with me. ‘Yes, but don’t feed him.’

I can sense her looking at me, the silence gives that away, that pause between, I didn’t know you were blind, to why are you alone. A lone wolf, that’s what my parents call me. Perhaps, but if this trip has taught me anything, is the emptiness without Mike.

A new start, he said, before I left. Could you please give us a go? I love you, and I think you love me. Perhaps he is right, but I needed this trip to find out. It is almost like Graham is whispering on the wind, ‘It’s okay to live without me.’